


this moment of truth (and agony and delight)

by EllaYuki



Category: CLAMP - Works, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fai Pov, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Nihon Country, Post-Celes, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:34:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23175517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaYuki/pseuds/EllaYuki
Summary: As he waits for Kurogane to wake up after Celes, Fai has a meltdown and a revelation.
Relationships: Fay D. Fluorite/Kurogane
Kudos: 40





	this moment of truth (and agony and delight)

_He knows, he knows, and he'll hate me now,_ is what runs through his head on repeat after the initial, heart-wrenching panic of "Kurogane is going to die" finally settles and fades.

Fai knows now that the ninja is going to wake up soon, though how soon "soon" is, no one can actually tell him, not even Nihon's Princess Tomoyo herself (and there's something about her that he hasn't the mind to figure out just yet, but he’ll get to it, eventually), so all that's left is for him to wait, and panic about other, just as important, things.

**_'No, he won't. He got you out of Celes.'_ ** The voice sounds too much like his brother, when he would try to comfort Yuui when things got rough during their childhood. 

Fai shakes his head, biting on his thumbnail. _He'll hate me, he will, I just know it. Especially now_. Oh yes, especially now. 

**_'He hasn't given up on you yet,'_ ** the voice whispers gently, causing a shiver to run up Fai's spine. He shakes his head again. **_'After all the lies, and all the tantrums, he's still here.'_ **

Fai runs his hands through his hair, roughly tugging at blond strands. _Not for long, not for long. Just wait! He'll wake up and cast me away_ … He shudders, chokes back a sob. _He's seen what I've done, he knows the kind of misfortune I bring, they all do. He'll cast me away, they all will_. His little family, he has their blood on his hands, why would they still want him around?

Something that sounds like a sigh. A cross between pity and exasperation. **_'Kurogane has bled for you. Gave up his entire arm for you.'_ **

_He shouldn't have, he shouldn't have_ . _I don't deserve it._

**_'He could have let you there, if he thought you were beyond forgiveness. He wouldn't have fought so hard for you.'_ **

And that's the most puzzling thing of all, isn't it. After all he's done to push Kurogane away ever since Tokyo, after all the fights, and all the cold shoulders, and all the pain he knows he's caused, Kurogane still sacrificed so much for him. Gave up a literal piece of himself and took Fai away from everything that held him back, from everything that held him from really living his life.

_I love him,_ he thinks, testing the words (it's the first time he lets himself). They feel strange and wonderful. 

**_'And he loves you,'_ **whispers the voice, echoing throughout his entire being with the truth, the certainty of it.

He breathes. Opens eyes he hadn't even known he'd closed. _Yes, he does, doesn't he?_ Fai looks down at his sleeping companion with something akin to wonder. _Kuro-sama really loves me_.

And for the first time in his life, he doesn't feel terrified.


End file.
